A Totally Different Topic

Did anyone hear about the woman in Toronto who hasn’t won a Roll Up the Rim thing at Tim Horton’s in the last two years and complained to the head office? How lame do you have to be to complain to the company that you haven’t won a free coffee? Do you complain to the Ontario Lottery Corp. when you don’t win a 649 or Super 7? Do you expect them to send you $250,000 because they feel bad for you? What entitles you to a winning tab? NOTHING! You don’t stop buying coffee when the promotion ends. They don’t raise prices during the promotion. You buy your coffee with the expectation of receiving coffee, albeit freeze-dried and flavourless, but hey, caffeine is caffeine. Buy your coffee and hope for the best like the rest of us.

 

By the way, I’m 2 for 3 so far for winning tabs. Two coffees and counting.

 

I’m bitching an awful lot these days. I’m sorry. I’ll try and be more positive next time.

To The Next Drummer That Throws A Stick At Me

Living in monitor world has its perks and privileges, but it also comes with a few risks. I was reminded of that this past weekend.

 

I was in a situation where I wasn’t even mixing the band. I just happened to be in monitor world. They had their own in-ear monitor console set up on stage right beside the drummer. One of their guitar techs was looking after it. You’d figure after being on the road for a few weeks with the exact same setup every single night, the dummer, oops, I mean drummer, would know where to look if he was having problems hearing things.

 

This was not the case at this particular show. For some reason, a couple songs into the set, the drummer started motioning to me to turn down the vocals in his monitor. There was no monitor, there were no vocals in the non-existant monitor, so I motioned back to talk to his guy on stage, cause the problem was obviously with their setup. A song goes by and again the drummer starts waving at me. Again, I make it abundantly clear that it’s not my department, so turn around and talk to the guy sitting directly beside you. Another song goes by and all of a sudden a drum stick comes flying at my head.

 

This is not cool. First of all, you just don’t do that. It’s completely unprofessional and disrespectful. I’m the one person that can make or break the show. I respect that responsibility, and the drummer (and all band members) should do the same. If you have a problem, you come talk to me, or send one of your stage guys over for a chat. Everything gets settled nicely and everyone’s happy. Second of all, there was a bunch of band guests watching the show right behind me. What if that stick hit one of his friends in the eye, the mouth, whatever. Complete disregard for people’s safety. This is not rocket science, nuclear physics, or a combination of the two. It’s just rock ‘n’ roll.

 

So, to the next drummer that dares throw a stick at me: be prepared, because that stick will end up so far up your ass that you’ll be picking your nose and pulling out splinters for weeks to come.

 

 

 

(Yes I’ve been having a bad week. I’m sorry you had to read that. Thank you for indulging me.)

 

Thanks For Putting Me Out Of Work.

Disclaimer: This is my blog and as such I reserve the right to rant occasionally. I’ve been having a bad week, and have 6 more on the way, and have therefore chosen to exercise that right. I’m pissed off and I want to bitch about it. That being said, what I outline below is not necessarily the only cause of my frustrations, but I honestly believe it’s a big indirect cause, or a contributing factor if you will. I know it’s easy to blame the labels for putting out crap no one wants to listen to, and they did abuse the power to do so, but that doesn’t make it right for people to steal music. Musicians and their crew need to eat and feed their families. I will also go on record and say that I’ve paid for every song I’ve ever downloaded (aren’t I an angel?) and I use iTunes for free podcasts (which are insanely addictive). I still buy cd’s of the music I like… I’m stuck in the 90s I guess… I’m so perfect I make myself sick… Don’t worry – I’ll slap myself if you don’t do it first… Anyways, let’s move on to my rant.

 

 

I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank all those who have illegally downloaded music over the last couple of years. By trying to save yourselves a little bit of money, you have put touring bands and their crews, people like me, out of work. Sure, you only downloaded a couple cd’s worth of material, that’s not too big a deal, is it? You can go on believing that if it makes you feel better, but the roof over my head is leaking.

 

It’s easy to say that sales are up these days with online stores such as iTunes leading the way, and maybe the future isn’t so bleak, maybe the industry got past the whole Napster thing. Or not.

 

Here are some numbers to crunch, rounded off for the sake of easy math. The average music sale a few years ago was probably $15. If you wanted one song, you bought the album for $15. Now you can buy just the single for less than $1. The problem is the industry was working with budgets that were based on $15 sales. Maybe more music is sold today, but with sales of $1 each, the labels have to sell 15 times as much product to maintain their level of spending. This obviously isn’t happening, so corners have to be cut. Corners like tour support.

 

Bands can’t afford to tour and support themselves. It’s near impossible. Figure the cost of gas, maybe 2 tanks a day ($100), the rental van ($100/day) or bus ($1000/day), maybe 2 hotel rooms on a good day ($200/day), food, phone bills, instrument maintenance, a crew member or two... For one week on the road you’re hitting a few thousand dollars right off the top and this is a pretty basic, beginner level scenario. “The band is playing to make money” you say? $200 a night for an opening act or small club tour doesn’t pay bills. “But they sold 50,000 records!” You know what, because of the way deals are structured, the band is lucky if they ever come close to seeing 8% of the revenue generated from sales. In Canada you have to sell 100,000 records before you see any money, and over 1,000,000 records in the US. You’re either a full-on rock star or you’re not. No middle ground. This is why record labels provide tour support, so bands can go and play their hearts out for you, have a budget to put on a decent show (sound and lights aren’t free) and have the crew to do it.

 

If the labels aren’t making money to provide this support, the bands have to cut back, if they can even afford to tour at all. Two years ago, and even last year at this time, I had 25+ days of work a month, the prime touring season. Now I can’t find one day to save my life. So, where do you think those cuts are being made?

 

Hi, my name is Tom.

 

And, if you have a second, look in a mirror. Your chances of finding good live entertainment are disappearing fast. And that music you love to listen to? Enjoy it while it lasts. No one can afford to make a new record anymore.

Next Question Please...

More and more often I’m getting asked “Who’s the biggest asshole you’ve ever worked with?”

 

While I understand why such a topic can be interesting and can generate hours of conversation, why would I answer that? It’s a small world, especially in this industry, and if I start telling everyone I talk to about the behind the scenes stuff, I can shoot myself in the foot, a bullet could end up in the floor mat and it’s just no good. The last thing I need is to have killers coming after me. I can already hear the sounds of their motors revving in my head…

 

That being said, I have nothing but good things to say about Sam Roberts, Switchfoot, Thornley, Theory of a Deadman, Daniel Lanois and so many more. Believe it or not, most big name artists are actually really cool.

 

But then, we mustn’t forget the famous old sound guy joke: What’s the difference between a monitor guy and a toilet?

 

A toilet only deals with one asshole at a time.